As an outsider, it’s easy to think someone’s cut off from the outer world, living in an isolated environment, without knowing their circumstances and mental condition. I tried to explain to somebody how it felt inside my head, putting my fears and embarrassment aside to see how it would feel and how the listener would respond. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ADHD almost 8 years ago, and every day was a new and different story.
In hopes of wrapping my head around the feelings inside my brain- I thought I’d open it up for you all as everyone is not capable of speaking up about about their emotions and feelings in front of anyone, either their friends, family members and or friendly physiologist as they are afraid of confessing and facing their insecurities, fears, loses and hopeless life. Just in case, let me tell you, you are not alone.
Days are divided into better and worse, excluding good or might be a day in a month or two are good too. Anyway, they are just days. One spending them feels them more as thinking themselves being a burden on others by telling and sharing stuff, isolation and cutting off seems to be the best of all the options. They say if you can’t see it, it’s not there, as if the pain does not exist, so we don’t smile and have a grin because nobody likes to talk about the tough stuff. I also don’t want to talk about the tough stuff, and I have no idea WHY!
Anxiety vs Depression
People confuse anxiety with depression. Depression has a reason to be given. You can relate and explain what makes you feel and how you feel. Sometimes there is a situational depression in which a particular situation affects your whole being for the time being, which one can overcome easily by removing those unwanted particulars. And most of the time, they might be regrets that make you depressed and lonely.
At the same time, you can’t relate anxiety to any event, person, or other situation. They are the uncertain panic attacks or the un-sudden feeling of being lonely while standing in a huge crowd or might be a group of very close friends. It also may occur while laughing hard with loved ones. You can’t explain why. 1 in 13 people are suffering from an anxiety disorder.
Some say; that people who suffer from anxiety often may suffer from depression and vice versa and are closely related. Of course, that’s not every case, but most people do suffer both.
What do I feel?
Anxiety is something I experience. The cells in my body seem to be moving so fast, and veins get blurry, and besides listening to my heartbeat, I hear drums beating and bees buzzing all around. The world goes upside down; you feel like drowning or falling off a high cliff which takes away your senses and breath, making your mind blank and dull, which takes away all of your reasons to think and feel for anything, even for your existence, which results in avoiding eye contact, socializing and cutting off from even very close mates you’ve got.
My anxiety feels like fire, an unexplainably hot, rash, and frustrating condition inside, my feelings that don’t come up to my lips that avoid talking to anyone, not because I don’t feel safe with anyone, but because I can hear my self complaining of my weaknesses and inabilities to work out for myself and help myself to get out of such situations when I don’t want to get help from anyone, so my self-respect doesn’t get affected.
I feel like every solution to my strange feelings lies in lying in my bed, covering my face, and closing my eyes for a long time. It feels like drowning, burning, and torturing forever. Most of the time, it seems like there is no problem, no life, or any situation or reason; there are just feelings, and I feel all of them at once.
Do you think you’re suffering from anxiety?
Are you constantly worried?
Do you fail at controlling your over-flowing emotions?
There are many different anxiety disorders, including;
1) GAD, general anxiety disorder
2) Panic disorder
3) Social anxiety disorder
4) Post-traumatic stress disorder
5) Obsessive-compulsive disorder
This test is designed to see if you have GAD or general anxiety disorder.
I will be asking you some questions on anxiety; the questions are as follows;
1) Do you feel like you can’t control over thinking?
2) Do you worry about everything that’s happening in your life?
3) Are you constantly on the edge of falling apart?
4) Do you become tired, moody, and freaked out easily?
5) Does your worry or feelings control what you do or don’t do in your life?
6) Do you get everything on your nerves easily and get hyper-tensioned?
7) Do you have problems concentrating and focusing on any particular task you are performing or have to perform?
8) Do you avoid certain situations, avoid talking and socializing?
9)Do you prefer to mainly cut off and stay isolated in a world of your own where you have to give no explanations to anyone?
- You are in a gathering, and all of a sudden, you start feeling lonely and unwanted, as if everyone seems fed up with you.
- You start feeling useless. Do you get fed up with your existence and continuously think of ending your life?
If you answer 3 or more yeses, you suffer from an anxiety disorder.